did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
