this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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