He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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