I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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