I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
