Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
