when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
