Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
