Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
