New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
