life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
