i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
