he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I would fuck him just for his dog
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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