i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
