if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
