I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
