My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
