Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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