I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
