This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
