You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
