You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
