some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
