worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
