Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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