Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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