I think I died a long time ago.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
