So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
