So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
