What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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