oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
