Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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