I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You work out of a Hotel?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
