ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
