shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
