omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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