Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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