He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
