my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
