Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
