my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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