i jhust puked up my retainher.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
