Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
True strength comes from lack of pants
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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