You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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