bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
