so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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