how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
