dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
