Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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