I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
