don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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