OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
